Losses

I don't want to hear your apologies.
I don't want to hear your regrets.
I want to hear about what's coming
The songs I've yet to hear.
Heaven is close.
I hope you're not afraid,
I hope your resolve is strong.
A better place is coming
A place of refuge from the storm.
One day we'll meet again
'Til then I pray.

...

The depth of your insecurity,
The scope of your wit.
I am seething with rage
Suddenly all seems vague.
Yet my purpose is clear,
Murderous intent.
Scarlet scent of blood spent.
You're everything and nothing
Tumultuous and unforgiving,
Merciless and petty.
Self loathing to a fault.
Your spirit is as dead as I feel
And what is left is a hollow shell
Filled with greed.
Fuck Yourself.

Renewal

Headfirst into a life you'll never understand.
Your blood drips slowly off my fingers.
Except you've already bled yourself dry.
Greed and apathy have taken their toll.
You're just a shell of your former self
And I am what is left,
That reflecting pool that caught the light.
A seed which grows once buried
Blessed by the sun to live another day.
You're reborn.

Fate Darkens

Descending into madness,
Poised for recollections.
Guided toward a bitter end.
Seething with an infinite wisdom
Which will not leave me to ignorance.
Bliss will not be found,
Redemption a distant pastime.
A heart beats but not for long,
Not very strong, it skips,
Bleeding into a darker night.

A cold kiss,
This darkened place
I can no longer call home.
All that's here is a broken memory
A repast of misery
To relive over and over again.
Forget relief
It will not come.
The sun can shine again
But not for another day
So wait and wait.
Do little for fate,
Bitter and absolute will have its way.

Falls Repose

He approaches the gate with bated breath,
The metal cold just like the depths of his soul.
Marred by pain and misery, endless torment
From a world that doesn't want him;
A world too busy forsaking and fucking itself over
To allow someone with promise to shine.

He ascends the gate; an imminent plunge.
A free fall of faith,
A test of wills.
It's too little, too late corrupt world.

"I'm writing this as a last good-bye.
A testament to a world gone awry.
From the tainted streets to
The bloodstained countryside.
I'm weaker than I've ever been,
Yet my resolve is strong;
This falls repose eclipses my entire mind.
Truth be told this isn't your fault,
The waters below will receive my blood tonight."

He ascends the cold metal ladder
The roar of life deafening behind him.
There is fear, but the choice is clear...
Falling, free at last.

Retahded

I wanna be this sum'bitch for Halloween. Kthxbai!

Fallacies

Shed your inibitions, seize the light.
Make opportunity a slave to your whims.
Accept what you can change,
Deny all that forsakes you.
Live with every ounce of your life force.
Reign in your desires,
Set free the keys to your heart.
Envelope sadness with your calming guise.
Make believe you're something you're not.
Forget who you wanted to be.
Run away from all you hold dear.
They will find you and erase you.
Bear witness to the end.

Do You Like To Hurt?

Fall is around the corner, and I can barely contain myself. For most peopl Fall and Winter ar seasons of stagnation/depression but for me it has always been the opposite. Fall is a time of rejuvenation and spiritual rebirth for me. I feel more grounded, more creative than any other time of year. I feel at peace with myself and those around me. I want to proclaim to everyone how goodI feel even if things still aren't 100 percent because there's a plan and I'm working toward something; I can feel it.

Other than that I'm very excited because one of my bests are coming to spend the weekend with me. We're going to go apple picking, and I'm going to teach her how to cook which is very exciting. Until then this week will be hell, but it'll be worth it. I feel like the past year and a half has been a test from God to see if I can hold true and faithful. Honestly, I've been so tempted to do shity things, and tonight was the worst. I've never felt so like stealing in my entire life but I said no, I won't and I stood up for what is right. Imagine if more people had the courage and the ability to do this? We would be so much less of a corrupt race of beings. Life would be so much less of a struggle to fuck one another over and lie, and cheat and hurt, and destroy. Life is beautiful when we spend more time loving ourselves and each other than plotting ways to blacken our souls and hurt those we love most.

"Erin, Across America"

It's a fucking beautiful day. The sun is shining, there's a cool breeze. Good music is playing. I am free. This time of year makes me feel liberated like no other time of the year, and I'm not quite sure why. I am the opposite of other people...summer has always been a period of chaos and discord for me since I was younger, yet the fall always brings with it a liberating release.
When I think of the fall I can't wait to see people decorating for Halloween, and the leaves change. I look forward to the just warm enough days, and the cool nights which pave the way to winter time. I feel inspired, renewed and all I want to do is proclaim this to all, so needless to say I'm glad I unearthed this blog LOLL.

Leaves change like my soul changes.
I warm up to the idea of joining our hearts together
As the nights get colder, and colder...

Forsaken

I'm glad to know I can let you go,
Discard you like a passing phase.
Deny what we had was love.
Regret fom the deepest reaches of my soul.
Open my heart and become appauled,
Its contents are stained with your blood.
Not even a thorough cleaning could fix this,
Or help me replace what I've lost,
Rather, given up.

The sky was blue, now it's yellow
Like the field we spent our days in.
Bittersweet was your kiss now gone.
I don't feel vindicated, I don't feel at ease.
I release words from myself at the pace of a dead rose
Waiting for the time to be right again.

Time to leave, time to begin anew.
I call your name out in a dream
As the moon sets on the plight of my fate.
Laughing at what remains.
Jesting at the very nature of the beast.
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never loved at all.

Cassiopeia

It's rainy ass days like this that I have a love/hate relationship with. On the one hand, it's dreary and shitty out, but on the other hand I feel energized, relieved, renewed. I can feel fall in the air, and like the conundrum I am, autumn is a time of rebirth for me. I can feel the cells of my soul recharging and becoming whole again. I long to create and do something substantial. I wish every day was like this....
Things overall are looking up. There are still things I don't have control over(relationships) that I need to let go to fate, but that is difficult. I think I'll make this short today.

A Loss Is A Loss Is An Endless Fugue

Wrought from a fate colder than iron,
Desolate is the one who starves his soul.
God comes and then abandons you who thirst not.
Love abandons you who believed not in virtue.
Faithless is he who resides in this place.
This blood thirsty building cares not
For your abandoned pride.
You challenged the gods and lost, ha,
Yet he who challenges not dies in vain.

Break free from your foolish pain,
Cast aside what you cannot see.
Yearn for what you will never be.
Destroy the heart that burns
As the world continues to turn.
It leaves a bitter taste on your palate
Which you will never be free of.

Lay on your back;
Learn to break free from this self imposed oppression.
Break the surface like it's a patch of thin ice.
Plunge headfirst into the doubts and dissatisfactions
Which plague you like an old haunt.
Then, claw for the surface before you suffocate;
Remember this is a dream, our dream
And you're destined to sleep eternally,
Yet so are we all in this race to superfluous oblivion

Come back quickly as you learn to be defeated;
In the blink of an eye you'll be gone and he'll have moved on,
So bury your heart in your sleeve as destiny allows.
Decided is fate which toys with your very being,
Deny who you are and you'll be as the grave.
Longing for fulfillment; So cold is its embrace.
Pray not, and fear less
For yours is a fate one couldn't hope to transcend.
So elate in your victory, and I'll wallow in my losses
Like a ripple makes a wave my heart will create tranquility
from this ceaseless gyre.